Miami Dolphins.

Jeff Hafley inherits a cocaine problem. Mike McDaniel's four-year tenure ended after a viral clip to which his on-record response was, verbatim, "AI is real — and I did live in that area." The previous administration left ninety-nine million dollars in dead cap on the way out, a sum Tua Tagovailoa will continue to count against Miami's books while earning the veteran minimum in Atlanta, credited back to Miami as the league's most elaborate thank-you card. The new quarterback is Malik Willis, who converted three years of holding a clipboard behind Jordan Love into forty-five million guaranteed. The rebuild is being run by Hafley (Packers DC), Jon-Eric Sullivan (Packers assistant GM), Sean Duggan (Packers LB coach), and Willis (Packers third string) — not a coaching staff so much as a waivers claim on Green Bay.